I don’t believe in fate, I believe in destiny.
Fate is something you have no say in. It’s just “where you’re supposed to end up”.
Destiny is something you create and unfold. It is the alignment of your Spirit with your true purpose.
Reaching your destiny is optional and involves conscious choice.
To me, saying “it’s just not meant to be,” is a substitute for admitting part of you sees no way out and wants to give up.
It’s OK to give up. It’s OK to let it go. It’s OK to move on.
For any reason and at any time you have the right to walk away.
But I hope it’s not because you talk yourself out of success or you were afraid to fail. I hope it’s simply because it’s what you want to do.
When I feel it’s time to move on from something, I like to say, “I’m choosing to let it go” instead of “it’s not meant to be”. That keeps me in my power.
Ashley thought her baby wasn’t meant to be. She’d convinced herself that her life was meant to be child-free, and that she was only going to do this last attempt at getting pregnant – working with me – because her husband didn’t agree with her and wanted to keep trying.
I remember her saying to me something like, “I already know it’s not going to happen. I’ve made peace with it. But I’m going to do this because I know you can help me with my stress and if my husband sees me doing it at least he’ll feel better.”
Now, you might be wondering why I didn’t just say, “Well, you should just tell your husband you want to stop and leave it at that.”
I didn’t tell her that because I am not in the business of deciding for people whether I can or cannot help them. I do wellness. Wellness is about people bringing out the best in themselves and if I see a sincere desire for change in someone who wants to work with me, then I’m in. No questions asked.
Ashley had a lot of stress and wanted help with it.
But there’s another side of the story.
What she didn’t know is that I didn’t believe her for a second. I knew that deep down she was still longing for a child. I knew that she was telling herself it wasn’t meant to be to comfort herself.
And, I’m not saying she was wrong for doing that. It’s tough out here and we need to do what we need to do. Sometimes we need to lie to ourselves to get us through difficult times and I’m not going to begrudge anyone for doing that.
The thing is I have seen so many “hopeless” cases turn out to be anything but hopeless. So, I never listen to my patients’ sad stories anymore other than to let them know I understand them, and I hear them.
I totally believed Ashley still had it and just hadn’t found it yet.
Sure enough Ashley eventually conceived. Not while we were working together – although she did feel our time was very productive in terms of helping her “get back to herself” as she called it.
Her email to me was ecstatic. She was beside herself and couldn’t believe it and was very, very happy to be pregnant. She even mentioned that maybe it was all the work on her stress.
Who knows? I certainly believe that “getting back to herself” meant that she felt present in her body again and, in my opinion, that always helps fertility.
